unremarkable remarks

Demisexuality is not “I will only sleep with certain people when I really love them”

agenderace:

I will make this point, and tag it, as many times as is needed. Because seriously, THAT IS NOT DEMISEXUALITY. That is the societally accepted version of female behavior. Does that explanation fit certain, if not many, demis? Yes. Does that explanation fit all demis? NO. Does that explanation fit many people who are not demi? Yes. Does that explanation fit everyone who is not demi? No. There are many different patterns of behavior and attraction, among all different orientations. All of those (that do not hurt someone or otherwise violate consent issues or whatnot) are valid and normal.

Fighting to defend demisexuality as a valid orientation is not people wanting to be special snowflakes because they’re really normal but want a pretty label and flag. It’s about wanting it recognized that they experience sexual attraction in a way that is FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT to many or most people in the world. No one who is demi is automatically slutshaming because of their orientation. If an individual is a demi and slutshamer, then they are a demi AND a slutshamer. Two different things. You can be a demi and not slutshame. It is possible.

Demisexuality is about attraction. That’s it. Something in common with the asexual community and that lack of sexual attraction. Nothing at all about behavior. I am sure there are sex repulsed demisexuals out there, that will not have sex even if they do become attracted to someone. THEY ARE STILL DEMISEXUAL. My friend, the one who posts on here occasionally, has lots of casual sex and enjoys it, without being sexually attracted to the women she sleeps with. SHE IS STILL DEMISEXUAL.

BEHAVIOR IS NOT ATTRACTION. Please can we keep this in mind?